And I'll Love You Forever
by Ruler of the Fake Empire
Summary: 5:14pm NumberUnknown: if you came home with super expensive ice cream, I would love you forever 5:20pm Hermione: excuse me? 5:23pm NumberUnknown: come on, I'm begging you here. I set my boss on fire, I'm needing some comfort food. 5:25pm Hermione: who is this?
1. Chapter 1

5:14pm

NumberUnknown: if you came home with super expensive ice cream, I would love you forever

5:20pm

Hermione: excuse me?

5:23pm

NumberUnknown: come on, I'm begging you here. I set my boss on fire, I'm needing some comfort food.

5:25pm

Hermione: who is this?

5:26pm

NumberUnknown: you mean... you aren't Hermione?

5:29pm

Hermione: no, no I'm not. I think you must have the wrong number.

5:32pm

NumberUnknown: oh, sorry dude. My roommate just got a new phone, must've gotten it down wrong.

5:35pm

NotHermione: it's perfectly fine, no worries. I've got to run, I hope you get your ice cream.

5:37pm

NumberUnknown: thanks man!

...

7:10pm

NotHermione: alright, it's been bugging me all day, how did you set your boss on fire and not also have the words 'I got fired' included that sentence?

7:15pm

NumberUnknown: you really want to know?

7:18pm

NotHermione: god yes.

7:21pm

NumberUnknown: well, I work for the I6, it's kind of a common occurrence for him. So he just shrugged it off and sent me home to get some sleep.

7:23pm

NotHermione: but how did you do it? I assume you didn't just wonder what would happen if you held a lighter to his shirt?

7:26pm

NumberUnknown: ah, no. I was playing around in the weapons department and there was this... fire pen.

7:28pm

NotHermione: are you serious?

7:30pm

NumberUnknown: very, and I got neither fired nor suspended, I'm very proud. Didn't get ice cream though. :(

7:32pm

NotHermione: if I were you I wouldn't be so worried about ice cream

7:33pm

NotHermione: then again I've never set my boss on fire, I rarely even speak to the man.

7:36pm

NumberUnknown: obviously you don't understand the magical powers of ice cream. You must live a very sad life.

7:40pm

NotHermione: I do live a sad life, but I'm fairly sure it's not because of the absence of ice cream.

7:42pm

NumberUnknown: see, you're only fairly sure, that means it could be your lack of ice cream, you'd never know

7:45pm

NotHermione: I change my mind, I'm actually quite sure. Really definitely sure. No doubt, not at all.

7:47pm

NumberUnknown: now that's just arrogant. No wonder your so down on your life.

7:50pm

NotHermione: yes, I'm going to stop talking to you now. Have a good night and don't set anyone on fire

...

-the next night-

9:02pm

NumberUnknown: hey random stranger I met via text

9:10pm

NotHermione: hello.

9:12pm

NumberUnknown: I'm really only texting you so I look like I have friends at this party.

9:15pm

NotHermione: don't look up, if you look up they'll come and try talk to you

9:16pm

NotHermione: here's something to make you laugh, one of my patients just told me that she didn't need a cast because jesus would heal her broken leg.

9:17pm

NumberUnknown: you just made me spit my beer out onto the carpet.

9:18pm

NumberUnknown: my boss is looking at me funny

9:18pm

NumberUnknown: I blame you for this

9:22pm

NotHermione: I feel it my duty, you're welcome.

9:24pm

NumberUnknown: Hermione's here, gtg, talk to you later

9:25pm

NotHermione: I have no idea what that means, but have a good night


	2. Chapter 2

10:05am

ApproachWithCaution: hey random

10:16am

ApproachWithCaution: no comments, okay

10:18am

ApproachWithCaution: this was getting a little weird anyway

10:22am

ApproachWithCaution: I had to tell Hermione who I was texting, she says you're probably either a murderer or a pervert. She worries for my safety.

...

11:02am

NotHermione: I apologies for not responding earlier, I was extracting a tumor from an elderly man's liver.

11:04am

NotHermione: and I can assure you, and your friend, that I am not either of those things.

11:15am

ApproachWithCaution: well that's a relief. It would've been very awkward if I'd been texting a criminal.

11:21am

NotHermione: it would, I trust you are similarly inexperienced?

11:23am

ApproachWithCaution: I think you just asked me if I was a wanted man, but I honest cannot tell.

11:24am

NotHermione: that would be it, yes

11:26am

ApproachWithCaution: I am in the secret service y'know?

11:29am

NotHermione: simply covering all my bases my friend. Gotta check

11:32am

ApproachWithCaution: But if I was a crazy ass psychopath, why wouldn't I just lie?

11:34am

NotHermione: I have faith in you

11:36am

NotHermione: or at least in the fact that your not a homicidal maniac.

11:38am

NotHermione: not a lot of faith, but its there

11:40am

ApproachWithCaution: that's comforting; at least one person in the world has faith in me, thank you

11:42am

NotHermione: your welcome

11:44am

NotHermione: I have to run, someone just fainted

11:46am

ApproachWithCaution: kk, go save people. Have fun.

...

ApproachWithCaution: dude, what if we started off with cupcakes and they just kept getting bigger until they just began CAKES? LIKE AMERICA?

NotHermione: it is literally 3am, what is wrong with you?

ApproachWithCaution: I'm serious. What. About. America?

NotHermione: I have no idea and it's still 3am

ApproachWithCaution: gee, what bee is in your bonnet?

NotHermione: IT. IS. THREE. AM.

ApproachWithCaution: well, yeah, what are you doing up anyway?

NotHermione: I just got off work

ApproachWithCaution: but you were working this morning.

ApproachWithCaution: Jesus

ApproachWithCaution: sleep, sleep now

NotHermione: yeah, that sounds nice

ApproachWithCaution: I'm gonna stop bothering you now

ApproachWithCaution: I'm am so sorry

ApproachWithCaution: god bless

ApproachWithCaution: feel free to put me on silent now

...

NotHermione: alright, I'm up. Congratulate me.

ApproachWithCaution: much congratulations, lots of congratulations. Good work.

NotHermione: I'm very proud; I think I should get a medal

ApproachWithCaution: are you saving people today?

NotHermione: no, the people will have to save themselves for the time being

ApproachWithCaution: so what are you going to do?

NotHermione: sit... Sit... Sleep... Eat a sandwich and then I'm going to sleep some more.

ApproachWithCaution: you need fiber

NotHermione: is this like me needing ice cream? Or an actual health concern?

ApproachWithCaution: actual health concern. I don't know what fiber is but I think it's important and you aren't getting enough of it.

NotHermione: I'm gonna stop talking to you know because your an idiot. Have fun being a spy, talk to you later.

ApproachWithCaution: I will, we get to raid people today, guns and helmets and everything.

ApproachWithCaution: I probably shouldn't have texted that, please forget.


	3. Chapter 3

NotHermione: how was your raid? Did it go well?

NotHermione: if you don't respond I'm gonna worry or think you're dead, you don't want that.

NotHermione: are you dead? Please don't be dead

NotHermione: I looked at the news but couldn't find anything, then again it is all spying and stuff so I probably wouldn't

NotHermione: alright, I have to go to work. Try not to be dead or shot or something.

...

ApproachWithCaution: I'm not dead

ApproachWithCaution: or shot. Fully functioning actually.

ApproachWithCaution: the raid went fine, nobody died, easy peasy, but how I have to do paper work. :(

NotHermione: paperwork is still better than being dead

ApproachWithCaution: only just

ApproachWithCaution: are you still at work?

NotHermione: yeah, I'm meant to be writing an evaluation for a medical student, but I can't be bothered

ApproachWithCaution: why are you doing that?

NotHermione: because I said I would, it has to be three pages long and I'm dying

ApproachWithCaution: poor you

ApproachWithCaution: don't die, if I didn't die then you can't die. I would have no one to text

NotHermione: well, if you say so, but only because you asked nicely

ApproachWithCaution: I wonder if we've every like walked past each other before

NotHermione: maybe, I mean it's certainly possible

ApproachWithCaution: can I ask you questions?

NotHermione: well that's a vague and slightly threatening request

ApproachWithCaution: I'm mean like normal questions, about like who you are and stuff.

NotHermione: let me make this clear, I am not giving my name to a random strange by text.

ApproachWithCaution: not your name! But like about you and stuff, curiosity and what not.

ApproachWithCaution: you can go first if you like

NotHermione: is this Hermione I keep hearing about your sister?

ApproachWithCaution: naw, she's just my best friend, she's marrying my other best friend and there gonna have babies. Or at least that's what I've been told.

ApproachWithCaution: my turn

ApproachWithCaution: how old are you?

NotHermione: 25, my turn, same question.

ApproachWithCaution: that's weird, I'm only a year older than you, that's weird as shit.

NotHermione: A statistical improbability. Your turn.

ApproachWithCaution: what type of doctor are you?

NotHermione: I'm a practical surgeon and occasional GP

ApproachWithCaution: is that like a guy whose practical about surgery?

NotHermione: no, it's really not; it's a surgeon who does all different types of surgeries.

ApproachWithCaution: oh

ApproachWithCaution: feel kinda dumb now

NotHermione: I forgive you

NotHermione: for now

NotHermione: I gotta run, my boss is about to ask me something and I have to go pretend to go to the bathroom. Bye.

ApproachWithCaution: have fun; take a book.

…

ApproachWithCaution: I just got home from work and guess what?

NotHermione: why are you getting home at 11:30?

ApproachWithCaution: Wrong question! Try again.

NotHermione: fine, what?

ApproachWithCaution: there was ice cream on the bench when I got home; Hermione finally got it for me

NotHermione: didn't you make that request like a week ago?

ApproachWithCaution: she always comes though for me eventually

ApproachWithCaution: on the other hand this might be bribery to go to her wedding

NotHermione: why would she need to do that?

ApproachWithCaution: I hate weddings. And don't get me wrong, I love Hermione, but her events tend to get horrendously drawn out.

NotHermione: man I know that, my dad re-proposed to my mom, I swear to god his vows went for like fifteen minutes.

ApproachWithCaution: shit, I gotta run, stop distracting me from my work!

NotHermione: You really have to stop blaming me for these things.


End file.
